Last week our elementary school organized parent-teacher conferences so i dutifully reported in the night to get the scoop on our youngest 2 kids.

You are watching: What does no tea no shade mean

Our daughter is now an “upper classman” together a fifth grader. The seems favor every year, I’m surprised by what the children are discovering as I simply don’t remember every one of those sophisticated learning missions being mutual with us as soon as we were kids in the same grades. Us just absorbed whatever was taught through rote. I don’t recall us discovering strategies or factors why the subject matter was important. Shade me impressed.

For the record, mine husband generally attends these conferences v me, but one the his music gigs acquired rescheduled because that the very same night so he had actually to bail this year. The conversations v the teachers would have been much much more interesting, as you’ll see!

The fifth grade teacher shared our daughter’s self-assessment with me.A self-assessment! In fifth grade? gain out!

The very first thing that struck me is how really self-aware our daughter is. She seemed to understand exactly how she to be doing in every of her subjects, and what she might do physically to prepare herself much better for school. An ext sleep and much better nutrition was her response. She dad and also I talk v all the kids about the prestige of a protein breakfast to start the day off the best way, and also there she to be acknowledging it was important.

Mrs. T, she teacher, noticed that our daughter is a little hard top top herself. Ns sheepishly identified she obtained that native me.

There’s simply no escaping the points you should work ~ above in your own life. If girlfriend don’t job-related through lock on your own, friend just could give bear to them, come relive almost everywhere again.Maybe that’s what castle really mean by reincarnation. Yet I digress…

Her teacher asked an open-ended inquiry at the finish of the self-assessment: “Is there anything else I have to know?” come which our daughter responded,

“No shade, no tea, however I think we should talk about friendships at school. Nobody in particular, however it deserve to distract from my schoolwork.”

Mrs. T looked in ~ me come decode what the meant, not so much the dynamics of fifth grade v hormones a-blooming everywhere and also all, because we all understand to expect with those, yet the “no shade, no tea” part.

I was as perplexed together she was. Now, Mrs. T’s gotta be at least 10 year younger than me, so ns figured she remained in the know, way better than ns am. However here she was, genuinely asking me because that the scoop.

Part of me wondered if it to be a test. Ok, maybe I had actually a smidge of paranoia climb in, however I brushed it off.

I had to recognize I didn’t know. So i went all “Indiana Jones” and tried to be a linguistic archeologist about it:

“Well, ‘no shade’, ns think way no disrespect…no talk smack, in other words. However the ‘no tea’ part? wherein did she get that? I’ve never heard her say it in ~ home and we don’t to speak it. Girlfriend really acquired me! but you know who would certainly know? my husband! that knows every the teen lingo.”

It’s true. Although mine husband is a musician, the teaches percussion privately come students of every ages. He’s additionally on staff v three institution districts, teaching and advising the percussion students in the music department. Allow me to translate: this method he is on employee for marching tape season and I don’t really check out him yet one work a week from early on July through at an early stage November. He is surrounded by teenagers for days and weeks on end and also subsequently HEARS. IT. ALL. Because that at least the last 17 years, he has.

I would bestow an honorary teen psychology degree on him, if ns could, with a certification as a skilled linguist in teenspeak, come boot.

No lie, ns would usage random indigenous in everyday conversation through him, and also he’d jerk upright, avoid what he to be doing and also stare at me every wide-eyed to say, “You can’t use that indigenous anymore!” and also I’d look in ~ him all skeptical and wide-eyed in return, entirely disbelieving him and exasperated that yet an additional precious indigenous was now off-limits. This would certainly go earlier and soon a few rounds till he’d coach me to look up stated word on city Dictionary. You’d find small old sheltered me slack-jawed and also horrified at just how language has been hijacked for nefarious means.*. Sometimes I dislike talking come him because I discover stuff ns don’t want to.

Genuinely curious, I gained home after ~ the conference and promptly Googled mine daughter’s slang and here’s what popped up:

The slang expression “No Tea
, No Shade,” an interpretation “No disrespect, however …” is usual in the drag community, wherein T means “truth.” The related phrase “All Tea, All Shade,” means, “This explain is true, so ns don’t care if that offends friend or not.”

I dug a bit further. Apparently, the T in “tea” is commonly mistaken for truth, but it is yes, really is “tea”. It’s a referral to women in the Old south who would certainly sit around, sipping iced tea and also gossip. I feel favor whomever coined this phrase nailed it. I can completely see the happening! So ns took our daughter’s words to mean, “no disrespect and also no gossip, yet here’s what’s yes, really going on.”

Part of me smiled the my daughter was strong yet wise enough to confess the real scoop at college without cram anyone under the bus, therefore speak.

I created to Mrs. T and also told she what this fancy brand-new lingo meant and also even described that, um…we don’t really have an association v the drag queen community so i am just as intrigued if not a smidge confounded (alarmed? Is alarmed the word I’m looking for, haha?) how in the people our 10-year-old girl heard this phrase. Not that there’s anything wrong with the drag queen community. I’m just sitting below in small-town Ohio trying to item this together.

Then it hit me: our 5th grader is a substantial fan of YouTube star and 19-year-old makeup artist extraordinaire James Charles. Yes, a male who wears makeup. I assume he says “No shade, no tea” a lot. I might be wrong, however the logic is coming together like the stars in a constellation, baby. Close enough for me.

And because that a quick moment, ns wonder if we must put part parental controls top top YouTube, but really…James Charles is fine. Frankly, I can learn a guideline or two from him. He’s actually pretty good with pen on a human canvas.

Back come our daughter. I’m tickled she uncovered a clever way to make her point.

But I’m also proud of she for noticing that the friendship dynamics at institution can cause some drama, and also it’s distracting indigenous what she must be focused on. And she’s not calling anyone the end in particular, yet she’s mindful that social dynamics are starting to be an problem she requirements to resolve. Mrs. T affirmed the our girl really does try to it is in friends with everyone but the dynamics of the miscellaneous friendships in 5th grade are getting frenzied, shall we say.

Now, us parents talk about friendship drama v our 5th grader, girlfriend know: who’s friends through who, who’s emotion jealous and why, how to include world so lock don’t feel left out, exactly how not to feeding the drama dragon, just how to talk directly to a person with whom you are having an worry so you have the right to work points out instead of avoiding it, etc.

I might even go so far regarding one-up the phrase and say “no shade, no tea, no Oscar” as a motto for exactly how to manage friendships in these preteen and junior high years: no disrespect, no gossip, and also for heavens’ sake, no drama either!

I don’t have quite the exact same reach together James Charles, so hard to say even if it is my tiny turn of phrase will take it flight however you heard it right here first.

See more: European Journal On Criminal Policy And Research, European Journal Of Criminology

Three cheers to every the fifth grade girls and also their awesome teachers who battle raging hormone daily, year after year.

Photo credit: cutting board Kolnowski top top* Don’t believe me? Look up “taint” in Urban thesaurus if you’re brave enough, and you’ll view what i mean. Don’t say ns didn’t warning you. And also no….I candid didn’t recognize there to be an alternate meaning. I prospered up sheltered and sweet therefore I’m simply sitting here shaking mine head, resigned end the death of my innocence. Then again, I’d much rather it is in in the know…

Author: silonda

I"m no your median Midwestern American woman: an older mommy to three kids and also married come a musician, hiding out in a little town. I’ve functioned as a serious service professional my entire adult life yet my heart is really an artist. Wonderlust (i.e., insatiable curiosity) and wanderlust command me to check out voraciously and travel often. The introvert in me likes to quietly observe and share what I discover through writing but hidden inside is a pretty funny chick full of spunk and also verve who is passionate to come out and play. Deep thinking and feeling (all the feels) is my default mode and then I"ll crack a joke around it. Ns constantly striving come cultivate every little thing makes because that beautiful and to love UP.View all write-ups by silonda